Jan 14, 2017

Spring 2005: The High School Bodybuilder

I was always mature for my age, so I attracted guys a few years older than me.  So it came as quite a shock when I hit 40, and things were reversed. The guys staring at me, approaching me at parties, and asking me out were -- younger.

Yuri was 14 years younger than me.
Matt the Security Guard, 17 years younger.
Mario the Teen Model, 19 years younger.
But the biggest age gap to date: 26 years!

In 2005, when I was going to Barney's Gym in Florida, three boys from Cardinal Gibbons High School came in almost every afternoon to work out.  Two were just fooling around, but the third, Stanton, short and sandy-haired, was serious about weight training and nutrition.  He was developing quite a muscular physique, nearly ready for amateur competitions.

And he was obviously gay, staring at biceps and baskets.

And apparently into me, following me around, asking questions, trying to maneuver to see me naked in the shower.

I did the same things in high school!

I decided that I was going to mentor this kid, make sure he didn't have the same trouble I had:  assumed heterosexual, not aware that gay people exist.

But this was 2005, in a gay neighborhood.  Things had changed!

One day in late January, he approached me when I was alone in the locker room. "That guy you always work out with -- is he your boyfriend?"

WTF?  "Um..um...you mean Yuri?  We're just friends.  I don't have a boyfriend.'

"Me, neither."  He grinned.  "You into younger guys?"

"Are you kidding? I've been out since before you were born.  What are you, about sixteen?"

"Hey, I'm eighteen!" Stanton exclaimed, offended.  "And I can prove it.  Wanna see my id?"

The uncensored story, with nude pics, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Jan 12, 2017

Slim Goodbody

When I was a kid, I had a toy called "The Visible Man."  It was a model of a man with no skin.  You had to assemble the skeleton and put all of the organs in place (sadly, no penis), I guess to teach you anatomy.

During the 1970s, actor John Burstein got the idea of becoming a human "Visible Man."  He painted muscles and organs onto a leotard, and as Slim Goodbody, set out to teach kids about anatomy.

As you can see, the effect was rather disgusting, and the guy had no physique.  But at least he sported a rather noticeable bulge.

There are actually several different suits, with different organs and muscles on display.

Slim Goodbody struck a nerve with parents looking for educational programming, and soon he was appearing on the morning kidvid Captain Kangaroo twice a week.

He branched out from anatomy to nutrition, exercise, and personal hygiene, and eventually to such hot topics as bullying and environmentalism.

 In 1980 he got his own PBS series, Inside Story.  Plus he appeared in a series of books and educational films.

Slim became so busy that, for seven years, there were two of him.  While John Burstein concentrated on the tv series, actor and mime Bill Bowers played Slim Goodbody at schools, hospitals, and public events.

Burstein still performs as Slim Goodbody all over the United States and Canada.

Though outrageously fey in his Slim persona, Burstein is straight.  Bowers is gay.

Jan 11, 2017

Edvard Munch's Male Nudes

Most people know Norwegian painter Edvard Munch (1863-1944) from The Scream (1893), the expressionistic portrait of an agonized figure under an orange sky.  When I was in West Hollywood, you could get Scream t-shirts, masks, and blow-up dolls.

But Munch had a long career in Paris of the Belle Epoque, Berlin, and Kristiania (now Oslo).  He experimented with many styles, and produced a huge opus.

Including many male nudes.

Men in the Sea (1908).

He painted female nudes, too, but the homoerotic power behind his nude male groups is undeniable.

Men in a Swimming Pool (1923)

Munch never married or established any long-term relationship that we know of, and was plagued by alcoholism and mental illness throughout his life.  A few months after completing his monumental "Ages of Man" (1907-08), which depicts 12 naked men on the beach, he attempted suicide and was admitted to a "nerve clinic."

Sounds like a tortured, closeted gay man of the era of Krafft-Ebing and Hirschfeld.

David's First Sexual Experience, at a Gas Station in Arkansas

Of all the hundreds of coming out stories I've heard, David's is the most remarkable.  A conservative Baptist minister in small-town Arkansas, married with children, figuring it out on his 43rd birthday, with not a hint before!

Fort Smith

Dave was born on January 6th, 1953 (Three Kings' Day) in Memphis, Tennessee.  When he was five years old, his family moved to Fort Smith, Arkansas.  He had an idyllic childhood, swimming in Creekmore Park, buying comic books at Coleman Drugs, having sleepovers with his friends from Sunnymead Elementary School..

"Sleepovers?  Lots of opportunities for seeing guys in their underwear, cuddling with them, maybe some groping?"

"Not that I remember."

In high school he started dating girls, but prided himself on treating them "like a gentleman," rejecting even a good-night kiss.  He often double-dated with his best friend, Steve.

"I'll bet you couldn't wait to drop the girls off so you and Steve could..."

"Not that I remember."


At the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville from 1971 to 1975, Dave majored in Classical Studies and became competent in Latin, Greek, and German.  He first became aware of same-sex desire when he translated Virgil's Eclogue 2:

Corydon the Shepherd was in love with beautiful Alexis.

How could Corydon be in love with Alexis, when they were both boys?

The professor explained that the ancient Romans sometimes practiced "the unnatural vice."

"A little frisson of recognition?"  I ask. 

"Nope.  I don't remember feeling any strong emotion about it.  It was just something weird that the ancients did."

The rest of the story is too explicit for Boomer Beefcake and Bonding.  You can read it on Tales of West Hollywood.

Jan 10, 2017

The Jacoby Boys

There were three Jacoby boys in Hollywood during the Boomer generation, half-brothers (plus their two sisters).

1.  Scott (born in 1956) was the serious actor, specializing in weird, quirky movies, such as Bad Ronald (1974), in which a boy hides in the crawlspaces of his house after his mother dies and terrorizes the new family that moves in (including the hunky Ted Eccles), or The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (1976), in which a handicapped boy befriends a girl (Jodie Foster) who lives all by herself after her father's death.

He played a teenager who discovers that his father is gay in That Certain Summer (1973).  Hal Holbrook played his father, and Martin Sheen his father's lover.

In spite of the quirkiness, there was plenty of room for shirtless and underwear shots.

His characters were always heterosexual, but the "quirky romance" still had queer resonances that appealed to gay teens.

Scott  still acts occasionally, and he owns a recording studio in Hollywood.

2. Billy born in 1969, was the hunk.  After a few horror films, he played girl-crazy teenagers who don't seem to own shirts in Just One of the Guys (1985) and Party Camp (1987).  His characters were heterosexual, too, but -- odd for 1980s teen movies -- not homophobic.

He also played Blanche's grandson on The Golden Girls.

Billy was probably best known for his role as wannabe thug Mikey, who wore a leather jacket and skin-tight jeans on the tv series Parker Lewis Can't Lose (1990-1993).

Today, as Billy Jayne, he is well-known in the business as a commercial director.  

3. The baby of the family, Bobby (born in 1973), was the wise-guy.  He started out in tear-jerker movies of the week, then moved into thrillers like Tremors (1990) and Night of the Demons 2 (1994).  He was also busy in television, starring on Knots Landing (1980-85) and, as a young adult, on MTV's Undressed (2000-2001).  Not a lot of beefcake shots, except on Undressed, which apparently existed solely to film attractive young people in their underwear.

Today, as Robert Jayne, he works as a professional gambler, specializing in black jack.

Topped by the Twink Next Door

Plains, January 2017

The day after I got back from Christmas in Indianapolis, a new guy showed up on Grindr, 200 feet away!

I've met about 20 of the 100 or so people living in this apartment complex, and half of them are LGBT.  Unfortunately, none of them have become friends.
1-4. Two lesbian couples.
5-6. A standoffish gay couple
7. A sleazy bisexual fetishist
8-9. A couple of downlow guys with girlfriends
10. Jimmy who I had 1 date with
11. A college guy who just contacts me for "booty calls."

So I was thrilled to see a new guy.

It was a blank profile, suggesting someone who is heavily closeted, or too new to have uploaded a photo yet.  But I didn't care -- 200 feet is 200 feet.

He told me that his name was Abel  (English pronunciation, not Spanish).  He had just moved out of his parents' house into his own apartment, with two straight roommates.  He was a student at the university and a delivery driver for a pizza place.

A college boy!  Even better.

So I invited him over to "say hello."

Here's what I wish he looked like.

No such luck.  So young looking that I had to card him (19 years old).  Tall and skinny, with weird braided hair, a nose ring, dangling earrings, an ultra feminine swish, a high-pitched girly voice, and a weird dazed look.  Wearing white pants and a pink button-down shirt.  Smelled of marijuana.

We chatted.  He looked especially nervous, like he was ready to bolt.

Maybe Abel was thinking the same thing I was: not my type, but 200 feet away!

Finally he said "Could we go in the bedroom?"

Oh well, 200 feet is 200 feet.

The full story, with nude photos and explicit sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Jan 9, 2017

The Top 10 Hunks of "Spartacus"

Spartacus (111-71 BC) was a gladiator who led a slave revolution that threatened the Roman Republic.  Although there's no evidence that he was fighting against slavery as an institution, he's been portrayed as a freedom fighter ever since.

And as a muscleman on a par with Hercules.

Here are the top screen hunks who put their biceps to work at Spartacus.

1. Mario Ausonia played Spartaco in a 1913 Italian silent version.

2. Kirk Douglas became the iconic Spartacus in the 1960 version, with Sir Laurence Olivier as Crassus, and the famous "oysters/snails" gay reference.

3. John Heston (Giovanni di Benedetto) starred in the peplum Spartacus and the Ten Gladiators (1964).

4. In 1970, the British spoof Up Pompeii!  had an episode with a slave uprising led by Spartacus (Shaun Curry, not shown).

5. Goran Visnijic played a rather less than buffed version in a 2004 tv movie.

More after the break.

Jan 8, 2017

The Ice Storm: The Most Hetero-Phobic Movie Ever

The Netflix blurb of The Ice Storm (1997) said something about "hidden secrets coming out during Thanksgiving," and the director was Ang Lee of Brokeback Mountain, so I ordered it, expecting gay chararacters.

It's the 1970s, see?  We know because the tv is always in the background, showing us Richard Nixon, MASH, Room 222, The Green Hornet, Time Tunnel, and Divorce Court.

And there are these rich white heterosexual couples in New Canaan, Connecticut (Kevin Kline, Joan Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Henry Czerny, Jamey Sheridan, Kate Burton).  I can't tell them apart, but it doesn't matter: they're all identical in every way.  They drink, abuse prescription drugs, shoplift, argue, and have sex with random people, whether they like them or not.

The sex is dreadful.  They insult each other, they feel guilty and start crying, or they get bored and leave halfway through.

They go to a key party, where the husbands put their car keys in a bowl, and each wife picks one of the sets at random and has to go home with whoever it belongs to.  Grim, set-faces, deer-in-headlights stares.  No one wants to do it, but they feel they must to be accepted in Stepford...um, I mean New Canaan.

Somehow they have time for Thanksgiving dinner before going back to the booze, sex, and angst.

There are also teenage kids around.  I don't know which belongs to which family, but at least I can tell them apart -- there's Frodo, Spiderman, Wednesday Addams, and Kid Brother (Elijah Wood, Tobey Maguire, Christina Ricci, Adam Hann-Byrd), plus a couple in New York.

They're identical to their parents in every way.  They drink, use prescription drugs, shoplift, blow things up, listen to their parents argue, and obsessively try to have sex.  They never actually get sex -- one of them starts screaming, or passes out, or a parent discovers them and erupts in hypocritical rage.  But one senses that, if they did have sex, it would be horrible.

Spiderman sort-of narrates with over-intellectual, absurdly pretentious voiceovers:

"Your family is the void you emerge from, and the place you return to when you die. And that's the paradox: The closer you are drawn back in, the deeper into the void you go."

Read that over for a moment.  It's not a paradox at all.  "The closer you are drawn into the [void that is your family], the deeper into the [void that is your family] you go."

And there's an ice storm.  The streets are a mess, so stay inside.  Wouldn't you know it, this is the exact time that they all decide to rush out of the house in a huff, drive drunk, get on a train, and walk down the ice-encrusted road by the ocean, contemplating suicide.

You know someone is going to die.  Actually,by this point, you're hoping they all die, and get some relief from their horrible lives.

Not a lot of gay interest.  A little beefcake: some chests of random guys who are trying to have sex.

No gay characters, subtexts, or references, except for a "fag" yelled at a kid who can't catch a football.

But this is the most hetero-phobic film I've ever seen.  Heterosexuals lead desperate, tragic lives, and their sexual practices are utterly unfulfilling.  It's like a straight Boys in the Band.

The Ice Storm was based on a novel by Rick Moody (apt name!)